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Career and Personal Development Center
Dealing with a Loss
Possible Distress Signals in Students
Everyone reacts to trauma differently depending on previous experiences. However, there are some universal responses, which often accompany a traumatic event. Here are some of the most typical initial reactions to trauma:
Sudden lack of interest in the class and significant activities
Exaggerated irritability or anger with small issues and events
Avoidance of previously enjoyable activities
A sense of detachment from others
Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
An attitude of “I do not care about anyone and anything anymore”
Increased used of alcohol or drugs
Tendency toward high risk-taking behavior
Over activity to the point of exhaustion
Psychopathology ensues when such common initial reactions to losses become permanent coping skills. Then the person without realizing it is preventing the process of healing from taking place. Anger, anxiety, apathy, use of alcohol, overeating become suitable coping mechanisms in a powerful defensive that stunts growth and causes interpersonal relationships to suffer. It is then that you can recommend that the person suffering might need professional help.
What Concerned Faculty and Staff Can Do to Help
As staff or faculty members you are likely to be among the first ones to notice the students who are in need of assistance. Understanding their reactions, preparing with helpful interventions and directing them towards resources available will be valuable in their time of need. Although, you might be inclined to avoid discussing what happened it is necessary that you give students the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings if they need to. You might “not know what to say” or you might “not want to make the person feel bad”. However, students need to know that they can depend on you to help. Your support is critical during the process of healing.
Ways to Help Those Who Suffer From the Loss of a Loved One
Be a good listener:
Introduce the topic of loss and death and give students the opportunity to discuss what happened. Any strong reactions are probably coming from previous experiences of dealing with death. Be prepared to support them and show that you understand what out of context might seem as an unreasonable response.
Ask about their loss:
Ask specific questions. Who knew the ones involved in the accident, how did they know them, what did they enjoy together, how do they miss them.
Do not minimize their grief:
Validate student’s feelings of vulnerability. A sudden traumatic event is more likely to leave people feeling scared and vulnerable. Even if their emotions seem exaggerated or dramatic hold your judgment and try to relate to their fears. Remember some of them are still teenagers.
Share your feelings and talk about your losses
Let them know how you feel about what happened and how similar traumatic events have shaped who you are today. Be open and honest.
Acknowledge the impact of the loss
Usually traumatic events cause emotional regression to a younger stage in life. Be supportive, remind your students to keep up with their assignments, ask about their other classes and their everyday life and encourage them to talk about themselves in class. Beware that some of them might need extensions on deadlines or other types of academic support.
Be available when you can
Allow students to depend on you for security as much as you can and encourage them to utilize other support systems.
After the initial shock there is a tendency to think that the process of healing is over. Even a sense of strength in able to handle grief faster than others and hurry back to the business of life as usual. Those who are grieving often confused themselves by the intensity of their feelings and give mixed signals to others wanting closeness and pushing them away. Be prepared to be a steady source of support for the students who have been affected by the accident because grieving is a deeply personal and long lasting process.
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